Category Archives: Childhood

What it is like growing without a mother?

Yesterday, I attended a talk at the Tata literature festival on “ Writing as a Catharsis”. The panelist were Avni Doshi who has just released her debut novel “The girl in white cotton” which is about a complex relationship between mother and daughter. Then there was Istavan Voros and David Vann whose father committed suicide when he was just 13. David went on to write a novel about his father’s suicide but ended up committing suicide himself (in the novel

Why I choose fun over connections.

I feel all doors are closing or more like the ceiling is going to collapse. Can one open doors without experimenting with Psychedelic substances? Health issues, financial problems and no relationships, yes this couldn’t look worse. But in spite of all this, I manage to have a lot of fun each and everyday. Yes, fun all alone. I really don’t see myself in other peoples company. I feel the work I am doing though not paying, but it is one

Are you responsible for your Bad Luck?

I hate self help books. But I think I am feeling down, I was feeling that I am not giving 100% to what I do. Then I saw this book “ The 10X Rule” at a shop. I thought this is what I want, I want to perform 10X of my current output. I take it easy, I like to listen to music, Read everyday for 2/3 hours. I don’t like working like a mad man. But I know this

I thought my Life would be like my Father’s

I think there was only one man I looked up to when I was growing up. It was my father. He had successfully built a narrative about himself to me of being a great man. The story was “ I ran away from home at the age of 10 with no money. I came to Mumbai and became an Engineer form a prestigious mumbai College studying under Street lamps often”. Most of this is true, he was extremely successful given

Birthday Wishes

So one more down and not sure how many to go. Preserving the old body takes lot of effort. You have so many things to think off. For eg. how to replenish your gut with good bacteria? how to make sure that your back doesn’t fold up or what is the tingling sensation in the brain? Is it a tumor? Why are my legs aching so much after a short daily walks? Accomplishments Anyway, a good ol’ friend called said,

Story on mental health

One day as I came home from school, I found my mother was sitting on the window ledge in our 3rd floor apartment block. She was pissed drunk. She was wearing a nightie. That day must have been the most embarrassing day of my life. The entire Goregaon East, now knew I was her son. I must have been 7/8 year old. She was a chronic alcoholic, she would usually drink, eat her fish curry and rice and try to

Deshpande Sir

For 5 long years I had only one tuition teacher. He would teach me everything from Maths to History. His name was Despande Sir. He was not a teacher by profession, he was a clerk in a bank. Before me he has taught my two elder sisters. He was passed down to me. Everyday for an hour and half in the evening he would come to my house and try to tutor me. I was a wall, I didn’t understand

My childhood eating habits

I was a finicky child as far as eating habits could go. I didn’t eat any vegetables. I survived mostly on Dal Chawal. Dal chawal was my lunch and dinner for better part of growing up. Breakfast was generally eggs and toast. Eggs in any form was ok. I didn’t like the taste of milk. I needed some Horlicks to gulp down the milk. I started drinking tea once I started living in college hostel. Snacking I was a bit

Kalyani Nagar, Pune

I remember Pune fondly. My mother had bought a house there. Dad and I used to travel there often, sometimes sister used to accompany us. Those days were the happiest days of my growing up. I had just learnt driving, I was 14/15. We had a beautiful brown Toyota which drove like a dream. Since the building was new. The bathrooms in the house with hot and cold showers felt like being in a hotel and not a house. Mother

Who killed my childhood dreams

Space Exploration US Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Alwin Aldrin landed on the moon in 1959 or was it 1961? Russia had already been sending rockets to moon by then. The world looked infinite to my tiny ears. I was fascinated by the stars and the planets. I remember when everyone were asleep in the house. A little 5 year old mini-me would walk to the window, pull a chair and stare at the skies till it was dawn. I would

Childhood memoir of Summer Vacations in Mangalore

The school summer vacations, a good 2 months of nothing to do. Dad packed us, me, my mom, and occasionally my sister to Mangalore, where his two sisters lived. My mother’s uncle too lived close. Dad’s extended family comprised his 2 elder sisters and their children. Each aunt had many children. In our wonderful language, we called our male cousins “Bhavji” and our female cousins as “Vahini”. My Cousins The custom of spending summer vacations in Mangalore started around age

How Vijay (Amitabh Bachchan) made me an Atheist.

Nowadays I don’t get influenced by Hindi movies, but when I was a kid, the only way for a new idea to take roots in my brain was via Hindi films, and mostly it was the special occasion of watching an Amitabh movie. I guess no other film has impacted me more than the movie Deewar. Amitabh’s character Vijay in Deewar is how I modelled myself, along with a strong influence of Bruce Lee my other Hero. Our household wasn’t

The Mind tries to find patterns – A Story about childhood friendship.

Have you said to yourself “Man why does this happen to me all the time?”. Have you observed, how many close calls you had in life, I mean I could have been dead when I was eight years old. I had set up this lab on the balcony of my house, and I was at least getting one electric shock every day trying to become the next Einstein. Yes, my childhood dream was to become a scientist, but my Dad

Memorable Drives.

As long as I have been conscious, I have always been in a car, either being driven when I was a minor or driving with someone, or driving alone. I have driven a lot, most of the times alone, and lot many times with families and loved ones. Driving with someone is a good opportunity to know someone, due to the circumstance of proximity, you and your companion end up talking and a kind of intimacy develops between you. When

Learning to Fight Back

As far as I remember, I was labelled as the “obedient child” a little bit early in life. An obedient child is aptly rewarded for good behaviour. Even as a child one tends to understand that one has to exhibit proper behaviour, which mostly meant “Just keep your stupid mouth shut”. This enormous burden of a sweet boy label creates an extremely repressed young boy. The obedient child doesn’t get a chance to rebel; because of the following reasons 1)

Why I grew up thinking money was not important.

Day before yesterday, I made a statement for the first time in my life, when I met my sister and brother-in-law for my 4_ birthday celebrations. I said “Money is my God and I dont believe in happiness in watching sunset in a beautiful scenic place” . My brother in law who is the most practical person I know off immediately understood and retorted “That, after all it takes money to travel to those exotic places to watch the beautiful

Revisiting the Past.

Making a journey to the past, revisiting it. The journey to the past would be only constrained by the memories (of happiness and sadness). reconstructing it with new adult perspectives and reinforcing the relationships which were meant to be broken and healing them by thought. The past shouldn’t be treated like a trash can, it can be salvaged and re-aligned with your present and might just make the future richer. So what are the tools we have to revisit the

Looking at intuition in retrospect.

I am a skeptic when words like intuition, magic and esoteric rituals are referred too. It seems very loony to get involved in these stuff, but I have been greatly influenced by such people who believe in these stuff. Now looking in retrospect I see signs of my childhood intuition coming true. While I was a kid, every time I used to travel to Bandra, my eyes would get tranfixed on a store called “Satguru’s ” on linking road. Now

Learning to Tie the Shoe Laces.

I have these dancing shoes, the soles are made of Suede leather, but there is a fundamental problem, every 3 minutes the laces get loose. So we were practising and then this kind lady notices and shows me how to tie my shoe laces so they dont come off, well it fucking works!!!! Yes, I am a middle aged man and I just learnt how to tie my shoe laces, it makes me wonder what other life skills I am

Dont let your parents wake you Up!

Here is a story about my childhood.  Every morning during my school days I was dragged out of my bed at 6.30 am , given a bath and hair oiled and sent to school to attend at 7.30 am. I HATED IT!!!  The point I want to make is, it is not really important to wake up in the morning, the phrase “Early bird catches the worm” is a medieval quote and not relevant to our times. During medieval times,